Today on Smegwatch:

The first member of a new hybrid species was born early Friday morning. The incident began several months ago when a common house cat strayed into one of the primate cages at the Fuckoff Zoo, located in Queensland, Australia. After repeated forced intercourse from one the cage's inhabitants, the cat was pregnated. "This is truly a new step into the future of zoology," claims a random zookeeper who tried to rape the cameraman. The new species has been named Monkat, or wtfbbqus barrelrollius by "official" scientests. "In the future, we plan to crossbreed mosquitos with giraffes, alligators with parrots, and donkeys with elephants," stated the owner of the zoo, whowas unable to give her name because she was to busy extracting semen from a dead rhino.

Today on Smegwatch:

Lucifer himself has escaped from the underworld yesterday when a warp hole in time, caused by Rosie O'Donnel's humongous underpants, opened up on mars! *cough*doom*cough*. While scientists frantically search for a way to rid our galaxy of the horde of blood-thirsty demons, Satan has decided to take up a role in French comedy films! Not only that, but the Devil is also making a deal with Tom Fulp to sell Newgrounds! Bedn would be proud!

Today on SmegWatch:

It has been reported that the earth has crashed into the Pacific Ocean and is sinking at a rapid rate. No one knows exactly how this paradox happened, but no gives a shit because we are all going to die anyway. As this completely legitimate picture shows, it appears that our friends in South Africa and Europe have already gotten the dip. Have a nice bath!

Due to the picture-uploady thingy not working, you have to use this link.
http://z.about.com/d/paranormal/1/0/k/
U/1/crazy-beach.jpg

Today on Smegwatch:

It has been offically been anounced that the great state of Alaska has decided it doesn't want anything to do with America anymore and will be bunkin off (seceding). "We just had enough of politics for us!" said State Representative Jin Jong, "We think Alaska to good for United States!" When asked, new President Osama B. Laden said he would not comment on the article, but that he panned to fire nukes at Alaska, and that he planned to nuke Japan, and that he also planned to nuke the Green Party...

Today on Smegwatch:

It was announced this morning that J.K Rowling will be writing an eigth book in the legendary Harry Potter series. "I just thought seven novels wasn't enough!" screamed Rowling. Curiously, this (hopefully) final book in the saga is to be titled "Harry Potter and the Vibrating Strap-On of Doom". Company execs have told Smegwatch that the book is planned to have at least 2000 pages and will be released in the summer of 2015.

Today on Smegwatch:

The great almighty Master Chief attended a New York Yankee baseball game to sing the National Anthem. Unfortunately, the Yankees lost 552 to 0. Master Chief has also set up a studio for his private use where he will sing Gospel, Rap, Heavy Metal, and Opera. His Cd is due out in December and will cost ya a meager $99.99!